Winter Feast for the Soul: Day Thirteen

At the start of my practice period I viewed the cloth I’m stitching in its entirety .  I wanted to take in the place where I started and the place where I’m currently focusing my attention.  It’s amazing the distance I’ve traveled in such a short period.  The focus, concentration and perseverance continue to propel me on this journey.

As I was stitching and sticking my finger more than a few times with the needle I began to think about why it is difficult for some to commit.  I know because I’m certainly one of those people where commitment, even if it’s something that might be good for me is like pulling teeth.  My decision to engage in this forty-day practice period wasn’t about testing my will, but a way of setting down roots in something that will be beneficial to my mind, body, and spiritual life.

Pondering the commitment question I believe that I’ve often thought about commitment as a glorified form of claustrophobia (except in relationships).  I was fearful, and in some ways still am, afraid that if I commit there’s no escape hatch and what started off as an act of free will becomes an act of obligation; leading to resentment.

I can’t tell you where I got this crazy notion that committing meant that in the cosmos that commitment was cast in stone, but that’s where my head was at in this inner dialogue.  It’s shifting, especially as I engage in conversations about commitment and the story I’m writing about my life. 

The fact that I can rewrite my story any time I want is a gift and curse because it means taking full responsibility.  I believe that commitment is that first step in accepting total responsibility.

Blessings to you…

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