Winter Feast for the Soul: Day Fifteen

I swore I wouldn’t do it!  I swore that I would stay present with my practice!  I even talked about working on this piece of cloth over and over creating layer over layer.  I guess old habits die-hard, but what I swore I’d never do was get ahead of myself.

As I was stitching this morning I had this thought pop into my head like a flash in the pan.  The thought was about the next piece I would begin stitching on.  I was surprised because I felt ambushed.  I’d believed myself when I said to myself, “I’m going to stitch on this piece with no end date in sight.”  So where did this thought of jumping ship come from?

I’m suffering from premature completion.  It’s that place in my experience(s) where I think I’m almost done so I begin planning the next step or phase of any and all projects.  The interesting thing as I explore this dilemma is, if I said I would stitch this cloth with no end in sight, then where did I get the notion that I was approaching completion?

The only thing I can come up with in the moment (see I’m working on being present) is that everything, in my mind, has a definitive end point.  What if that’s not the case?  What if there really is perpetual motion?  What if the real issue is drilling down deeper in my soul than I ever have before, could I be afraid of what I might find?

Well there’s only one way to find out and that is discard the idea of completion.  Allow the piece to speak to me instead of me dictating what’s next or when it’s finished.  So far there has been a natural flow between my being and the cloth so why change it now? 

I guess it’s time to walk beside myself instead of getting ahead of myself.

Blessings to you…

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