Seeking Wisdom

We all think we’re amazingly smart.  We don’t differentiate between intellectual knowledge and emotional or spiritual knowing.  We strive to understand our feelings only to be pranked the next time we’re activated by an experience.  There is no escaping these unforeseen moments, but what do we do with them?

As I age, one of the gifts is the ever-increasing body of personal knowledge based on experience(s).  I am gifted with do-overs.  I’m gifted with knowing when somethings is troubling me or challenging me and then I can take appropriate measures to wrestle with the experience.

We do we go for guidance?  I don’t know about you, but in my younger days I thought I had all the answers.  I was a bit of a know-it-all.  As a therapist I was witness to clients repeatedly grappling with questions creating tension or unease in their lives.  It wasn’t smart enough to do this for myself until I had somewhat of an existential crisis.  Eight years of therapy opened my eyes to questions and answers I didn’t even know I had.  

A few years ago, I decided to go to seminary.  Many asked why I was embarking on this journey and the only answer I could summon was, it’s the next logical step to knowing myself.  I completed seminary being ordained as an interfaith minister.  One of the first questions I was asked after my ordination was, “What did you get out of seminary?”  I loved this question because it allowed me to experience the one answer, “When I went into seminary, I knew everything, and when I came out, I knew nothing.” 

The ‘’not knowing” gave me options. I provided and still provides me with opportunities to explore what I’m unsure of and what I want to know deeper.  I followed this with beginning my own journey of spiritual direction.  Finding someone who would in a loving way, challenge me and my assumptions.

So, the big questions are, “Where do we go for guidance?”, “What resources past and present do we have access to?” and “Who’s out there waiting for us to ask them a question?”

For more art and prompts, I’ve posted over 1,000 collages, follow me on

Instagram/Threads: @drfiber

Both-And

We’re complex beings!  Not a day goes by where we’ve not challenged either physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  We are on a continuous path to make sense of the chaos of the world.  Too often, we’re so overwhelmed, we compartmentalize our experience to make it digestible.

How do we hold all parts of ourselves?  What does it mean to know who we are when we break it down into chunks?  How do we seek, search, and find equanimity?  I may not have learned a lot in math class, but I do remember the concept of the least common denominator.  What do we hope for across the spectrum of our existence? 

It’s like when I was taught to cook.  We always start with base flavors.  For many recipes I cook, the base is onions and garlic.  It’s only once I have the base I can begin to add other flavors, textures, and aromas.  The same can be true about life.  Waking up is a good start and I start my day with a prayer.  I want to express my gratitude for another day.  Once this has taken place I can begin to layer on my other identities.

If too many areas of my life are competing for my attention I not only experience overwhelm, but there is mass confusion.  Understanding how the parts of me interact with one another has been extremely helpful.  Years of therapy certainly contributed my self-understanding.  Having a weekly meeting with one of my co-seminarians has been invaluable.  Spiritual direction has added another layer to my understanding and integration.

What steps will you take to identify your dualities and bring them into a cohesive self?

For more art and prompts go to Instagram: @drfiber

Flip the Switch

Facing a mental health crisis is devastating.  The sheer experience of plunging into an arena of the unknown, many times with no warning, is terrifying.  Those who end up in an emergency room or crisis center experience a world unlike anything they could have imagined.  I was taking a class titled, “Film and Mental Health”.  One of the films shown was Titticut Follies.  The films is a documentary about the conditions at a Massachusetts hospital for the criminally insane.  Needless to say, the conditions were abominable, degrading, and stands as the history/foundation for psychiatric facilities.

Why do so many believe symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome/Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, and Schizophrenia, can be turned on and off like a light switch?  There’s a misconception we’re in control of our brains/minds.  We’re made to believe we have the power to disconnect from the symptom until the crisis passes and then we’re able to resume life as usual.

Studies have shown conclusively how the brain and brain chemistry change when facing mental health crisis or illness.  60 Minutes had a segment on the brain and mental illness a few weeks ago.  The segment outlined a study comparing a control group to those who had suicidal ideations/attempts within thirty days of taking the Function Magnetic Resonance Imaging fMFRI.  There was a definite difference between the scans and the parts of the brain illuminated between the two groups.

The problem, for many, is not going for help when symptoms emerge.  Many may not be aware of the symptoms of anxiety or depression, because mental illness is stigmatized and the thought of having a “mental illness” is easily deniable.  Often, it’s not until the symptoms invade and intrude on the daily functions of one’s life we seek help.  It may interfere with sleep, eating, interpersonal relationships, and even thoughts of suicide.

Where are the sources of information and the efforts to promote mental health?  How can we destigmatize mental illness and create safe havens for individuals to seek help?  Why are we so hesitant to seek help when there are treatments both medical and non-medical for mental health issues?  How do we educate people about a diagnosis is not an identity?

For more art and prompts visit me on Instagram: @drfiber

Nipping At Our Heels

Have you ever walked along a dark street or an unknown path and wondered what’s around the corner?  Have you had an “inkling” about something bubbling in your consciousness and not been able to place it in your reality? 

I often tell this story from my childhood about how I learned to confront what’s chasing me.  I have a younger brother, four years younger.  For some reason when he was five or six, he would chase me.  I did what anyone being chased would do I ran.  This kept going and I would yell to my mother, “Mom…he’s chasing me!”  It  kept happening and one day she got tired of listening to me whine about being chased and said, “If you stop running, he can’t chase you.”  

Isn’t it great when we have an epiphany?  When I realized what my mother was saying, I was able to generalize her advice throughout my life.  I understood how staying in place and allowing what was chasing me to catch me, I could overcome my challenges.

Here’s the caveat to the story.  Standing still and allowing something to catch you isn’t as easy as it seems.  For me, it took a deep inward journey to understand the deeper meaning of my mother’s advice.  My journey included therapy (for a long time), support groups, and spiritual training.  I read books, created art, and spent time in nature, unearthing what scared me most and what I needed to confront.

It doesn’t matter how mature, evolved, or enlightened we are, there’s always something in pursuit of us physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually.  Think about how our lives would be different if we walked beside the things that scare us or torment us, instead of being chased by those demons. 

To see more art and find more prompts visit me on Instagram: @drfiber

Seeking Answers but I Come Up Blank

Before I went up to my studio to meditate, I was watching the news, an action I don’t recommend.  There was a report about a shooting near Penn State University.  This is the second shooting this week (at least reported by national news) by young men. I know people will want to debate guns, gun violence, and gun control, but as a mental health provider I believe it’s such a small part of the equation.

I began my meditation and asked myself, “Why is asking for help so difficult?”  What is it about asking for help that puts us in a one down position? How does asking for help diminish our worthiness as a human?  Why do we mock those who need support?  Why is the word helpso small but hold so much stigma?

Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi on Pexels.com

The movie 28 Days with Sandra Bullock takes place in a drug and alcohol inpatient program.  One of the therapies employed is equine therapy.  The patient interacts with a horse and during the interaction tries to lift the horse’s hoof.  It’s explained to the participants that it can only happen when the participants insides match their outsides.  It isn’t until the end of the movie (spoiler alert) when Sandra Bullock comes across a police horse in the street.  She approaches the horse, tries to lift the hoof, but fails.  Out loud (thanks to the script) she says, “I just need a little help…right now!” and she attempts to lift the hoof, with success.

I know some of us pray when we need help.  Look at many of your Facebook posts when friends ask for help and prayers during times of crisis or despair.  Consider my experience this morning with a suspicious email.  I didn’t know what to do so I called Apple support.  They walked me through the process to either validate the email or in this case, establish it as a fraud.  Every try to lift a heavy piece of furniture by yourself and succeeded?

This week’s shootings punctuate my belief in seeking help, offering help, identifying those individuals and communities in need of help.  I’ve had dark moments in my life and sought help.  I’ve maintained close relationships and created reciprocal relationships where 24/7 I’m there for them and they’re there for me.  Help shouldn’t be voodoo topic.  It shouldn’t be a profanity.  Help should be an act or thought given freely, with love, honor, and positive intentions.  Recognizing when people need help is part of our humanity.  It’s what solidifies our place on this planet as a sentient being.  Don’t be afraid to help!  You never know when you may need some help yourself.

Peel Back of Build Up?

Life is full of contradictions.  Depending on who you read, follow, or believe the advice we receive isn’t one size fits all. I’ve been thinking a lot about this as I progress through the Feast for the Soul.  I’ve got various roles and activities in my life and there are many paths to peace and happiness so exploring them together is part of the practice.

As a psychotherapist, I was taught we work with clients to peel back the layers, unearthing patterns, revisiting earlier events and learning to reconcile so we can lead productive and healthy lives.  Peeling back the layers, at least in my own psychotherapy experience, was a long process. It required commitment, trust, and a desire to dig deep.  There were times I felt like I was on a hamster wheel with little progress, and then the peeling process unearthed something leading to great process.

Photo by Shiva Smyth on Pexels.com

My meditation practice is a stitch meditation.  I started with a white piece of fabric and began the journey.  The first phase was to die the fabric.  I changed the color of the piece from white to shades of red.  I needed to increase the length of the piece, so I cut the excess off the sides and sewed them to the top and bottom, building up the size.

Once the size and initial color was in place, I moved to printing the first design.  I found a piece of cardboard I could use as a stamp and laid down the first layer of printing.  I allowed the paint to dry and moved on to the next layer.  I decided to hand stitch various sizes of circles on the piece from top to bottom.  It was time consuming, but the feel of the fabric as I pulled the thread through was glorious.  I finished the circles and moved on to the next layer, reverting back to paint.  I stamped a new design over the top of the work in various shades of gray.  Now I’m building up more layers by stitching on top of the newly stamped designs.

You may wonder why I went through this elaborate process.  Each layer I add to the piece changes my perspective.  It provides me with opportunities to face my own decision-making processes as I seek to work on improving the work.  I’m hoping to improve the piece from an aesthetic point-of-view, but also how I react to the creation, how it impacts my mood, and how it encourages me to continue on the journey.

I guess what I’m saying is peeling back and building up can both work.  We need to know what the goal is on any leg of the journey.  That decision in and of itself will give you clues which method will yield the best results.  Try it both ways if need be and see what produces the outcomes you desire or need.  Until then…I’ll meet you on the journey!

Winter Feast for the Soul 2017: Day 35 Searching

Ever lose your keys or your phone and you begin a mad search to find the lost objects? You experience a sense of panic and hysteria as you feel like a fool for misplacing these everyday items. When you do find the objects you laugh because you try and figure out how they got there in the first place, at times it’s obvious and others it’s like doing accident recreation like the insurance companies.

There’s another type of search, that’s one of an internal process. The one where you have a gnawing question that has plagued you for a while and you keep returning to the question. I found this to be the case while I was in therapy (I guess that’s why I stayed so long) and has continued throughout my meditation process.

I’ve been fortunate to go to grad school twice. The first was to get my degree in clinical counseling. This set me in motion to become a psychotherapist where I would help clients search for answers or at least revise the questions. It was an experience we co-created. The other degree is in Visual Anthropology. I’m hooked on narrative, and I explore how we create stories based on our life experiences.

I was fortunate to study with the Jean Houston. The course revolved around the story of The Odyssey. It was her interpretation of the work first brought to consciousness by Joseph Campbell. Her class focused on the inward journey, the quest and what we’re willing to do to find answers, and the perils we experience on that quest.

This year’s meditation has brought up a lot of questions for me. As we approach the end I’ve been thinking about the next steps of the journey. Unlike past years, this year’s meditation has been more provocative. It has challenged me to stay on track. It has encouraged me to use my creative voice to seek, to play, to grow. I like the idea of searching because it’s the equivalent of the Universe holding a carrot out in front of me as a lure.

The Universe is luring me toward deepening my commitment to my inner life. It is luring me toward a pilgrimage of self-expression, providing me with clarity. It is luring me toward creating a community of compassion.

I’m not sure where I’ll end up, but the search process is in full swing! Stay tuned!