Watch Over

Are we our brothers/sisters/persons keepers?  It’s an age-old question.  It brings up a lot of feelings.  There are those who say everyone should receive an outstretched hand when needed.  On the other hand, there is the camp believing everyone should pull themselves up by their bootstraps and help themselves.

I find this question particularly perplexing because the issue is not about watching over, but about suffering.  I believe when wrestling with this question we should be engaged with others’ suffering, not their financial issue or some other issue.  It’s as if we’re treating the symptom and not the root cause.

Living in Colorado, voters approved reentry of wolves.  Unfortunately, in the past few weeks, several calves have been killed.  The governor basically said this is the cost of doing business and any loss is a negative.  I always revert to the last moment of the calves’ lives.  Animals don’t have death doulas.  Their parents aren’t always able to protect them from predators.

Are you a guardian?  Do you oversee or protect someone or some-thing in your world?  Who looks out for our hearts?  I look at healers who work at helping us navigate the sometimes-treacherous journey we call life.  Yet there are those whose optimism helps us maneuver these turbulent roads.  Is it a matter of perspective?  

Ronald Reagan spoke of trickle-down economics.  Can the same be used for our spiritual lives?  If we engage in healing, how does it impact those around us?  I often speak of our “sphere of influence”.  In the world it equates to the three feet around us.  However, we live in a cyber world and the “sphere of influence” may be greater. 

Truth is, we all need a guardian and simultaneously we all need guardians.  Anyone who believes they won’t ever need a safety net are delusional. The saying, “I got your back” should be the motto live by.  It needs to be the impetus for a cultural shift.

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Crossing Over

I imagine some who see the title are frightened thinking I’m talking about death (I’ll save that topic for another day.). This is more about how we make connections with those we don’t see or believe are on our side.  Perhaps it’s political or faith-based differences.  Depending on your social media algorithm it could be about parenting, gun rights, or any number of issues.

I wonder what if this idea of crossing over, like reaching across the aisle (politically), or having an outstretched hand are all similar.  There are many possibilities not only about how this can happen, but why does it need to happen.

How many times do we look at an issue and wonder how others can be so opposite to our own thinking.  Don’t you think they are thinking the same thing?  Are there are similarities?  Is there a smallest common denominator?  I see too many people trying to badger others into thinking differently.  Watching the news it’s easy to demonize others.  Is it so we can feel superior?  

What makes us so angry when sitting with others “not on our side”?  I remember when I started my first career in the hotel industry.  I went to a training and the instructor was speaking to us about de-escalating an angry guest.  She told us to take the guest aside, away from the desk so as not to engage with other guests.  In a quiet place allow the individual, in their entirety share their discontent.  When the guest is finished, ask, “is there anything else”?  Then find a solution for their complaint.

This seems like an easy process and yet we’re ready to enter Thunderdome as our first response.  Is it we don’t feel heard?  What makes us feel heard?  How can we be allowed to tell our “whole” story without interruption?  How can we move toward options, alternatives, or solutions?

There must be a way to bridge the divide.

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Keeping Score

From an early age we’re taught in life there are winners and losers.  The recent movement to award everyone a trophy for participating has been met with uproar because we’re vested in someone coming out on top.  

It’s not just sports.  Think of any reality competition.  There is an elimination based on achievement.  I’m not saying we should be doing away with competition.  I am second guessing how pejorative we are once someone is knocked out of the competition.  As with anything, not just competition, we can’t be perfect every minute of every day.

Think about your own life.  When are you keeping score?  I like going to school.  The big joke amongst my friends is the drive for degrees.  I often say if I’m doing to the work, I want some kind of paper like a degree or certificate.  My working motto was, “The person who dies with the most degrees or letters after their name wins.”  I look at it now and laugh because truth is, education, learning, and expansion is the true win.

The other part of keeping score is the notion of competition.  We don’t all have the same resources.  There are physical discrepancies, financial differences, education gaps, etc.  I’m sitting with the idea; what does any person do with the gifts and talents they were given.  How do we die broke, emotionally, and spiritually, because we’ve given all we had to the world.

I never want someone to measure their life or worth against mine.  I say this because the other person only sees the physical things.  What many believe are the trappings of our society.  I often see many who may be far richer than me.  Coco Chanel used to say, “some people are rich and others have money.”  I’m in total agreement.  

So if I’m going to keep score of my own life what am I measuring.  It’s easy to say I meditated five out of seven days this week.  I donated this much money to charity.  I volunteered this many hours to a local charity.  In reality, score keeping for me is really about the things I can’t measure.  How many questions did I ask today.  How did I show compassion in and to the world?  Did I engage in right thought and right speech?

How do you keep score in your own life?

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Soapbox

I remember when I was advancing to candidacy I took my dissertation class.  We went around the room sharing what we believed our focus would be for our research.  As we heard each student share, the professor, and the dean both asked lots of questions.  They were providing us the space to drill down the topic making it as specific as possible.

Over time as the class progressed my colleagues began homing in on what would be their topic.  Then one day in class, the professor turned to us and said, “be mindful of your topic because it will be the soapbox you stand on for the rest of your career.”  I don’t know about any of the other students, but this stopped me in my tracks.  It wasn’t horrifying.  It was clarifying.

Basically, the premise is the dissertation provides us with the platform to become an expert.  It challenges us to make a commitment to both the process and the topic.  We are engaged in a journey of depth, both academically and internally.

What is the foundation for our beliefs?  How do we share these beliefs with the world?  We hear a lot of people pontificate on the news, but the how often is the soapbox a ploy for exposure and self-aggrandizement?  The point of a soapbox is to be a reference point.  To be the light in the dark.  We become a resource for those questioning.

I know many believe the soapbox is about self-promotion.  I believe it’s about sharing your passion.  It’s a place where we can continue our learning.  The soapbox isn’t about being the guru.  The soapbox is the place of reason.

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Lost and Found

I was joking with my husband last week while we were on vacation.  I noticed the bartenders on the ship all had little holsters to hold their corkscrew and bottle opener.  Got me thinking about my own studio practice.  I love my scissors all the time.  It’s why I periodically buy scissors so I can place them everywhere.  I began thinking about buying one of those holsters for my scissors while I’m working in the studio.

When we lose “things” we get frustrated.  We engage in negative self-talk.  We may even go so far as to begin believing we’re losing our memory.  I know for me, the scissors I’m looking for are usually under a pile of fabric.

There is no MapQuest for life.  Rand McNally doesn’t sell maps to help get our soul from point A to point B.  If there are no “things” we can buy or download, how do we maintain our ability to find our destination?

This isn’t a trick question, but it is twofold.  First, I believe there is the external sense of direction.  When we’re feeling “lost” (I’ll leave the definition of lost up to you) who can we turn to for guidance.  Perhaps it’s about having someone help us find the breadcrumbs we have left along the way.  The other direction assistant is our own internal work.  Are we able to identify where we lost our way?  Do we know where the spiritual forks in the road appeared? 

The big question for me as I take this journey is “how do I continue finding ways back to myself?”  We are all our own starting point and destination.  It may sound a bit circuitous, but I think of it more of a hub and spoke system.  

How do we find ourselves?  What tools have you used or are using to find your true nature?

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Be Still

We have been taught to always be on the go.  Our worth is measured by accomplishments and outcomes.  We put a number or worth on most things.  We’re obsessed with outward accomplishments.  What about our inner thoughts and desires?  How can we honor our inner outcomes, rewards, achievements?

ADHD has become rampant in our culture.  We give people medications to focus (which I completely understand.)  We’re coming to understand neurodiversity in ways we never did before.  We are shown study after study about mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. 

The one thing I’m not hearing a lot about is stillness.  What keeps us from staying still?  What might happen to us if we were still?  I remember as a kid my brother used to chase me around the yard.  He was younger than me so it may seem a bit strange.  Maybe it was a game, perhaps simply sibling rivalry.  One day when I called to my mother my brother was chasing me, she said, “stop running and he can’t chase you.”  These words were an epiphany.  It was like my mother was Buddha before I knew who Buddha was.

Why are we terrified by stillness?  I’ve been meditating for a few years and I can tell you it’s not always pleasant.  The poet Jane Hirschfeld says, “sit on the zafu and see who visits.”  A wise teaching and full of mystery.  Are we so in need of knowing everything mystery terrifies us?  My meditation allows visitors to come and go.  It’s not about an invitation, but more of an open-door policy.

Stillness isn’t about doing nothing.  It’s about allowing to happen whatever needs to happen or not happen.  It’s a space of opportunity.  Be still and see what comes up.  Don’t run the moment it becomes uncomfortable.  Allow the feeling to sit with you and decide if it wants to leave or be your teacher.

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The Great Escape

What do we do to avoid pain and suffering?  Is it even possible?  The mind has come up with ways to protect oneself, is it avoiding it?  We know some have psychotic breaks, dissociative identity disorder, alcohol, and drugs (and other addictive behaviors).  But do we avoid it or simply put these problems on a shelf?

In the world, we avoid social problems by looking away.  We may look away literally when we see a homeless person on the street asking for money.  We may turn away from social advocacy or human rights requests by changing the channel, or not feeling a pull to help in some way.

On the other hand, we can escape, not from denial of a problem, but in search of a solution.  If you’ve read my posts or follow me on Instagram, you know creativity is at the heart of everything I do.  I can’t help but sit with a question or challenge and through creativity hope to open my heart and soul to possible outcomes or solutions.  

We’re caught up on the word escape, but isn’t wonder escape?  Don’t we doodle when bored entering a place of presence?  There are times when I look at escape as a mini vacation.  There is no pathology, simply a much-needed space to allow expansion and contraction of my thoughts.  

What do you do to escape?  Do you find it helpful or harmful? 

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Let Me Tell You a Story

We craft our lives like an artist crafts a painting, or a choreographer crafts a dance.  Over time through our experiences, we accumulate enough bits and pieces to create the fabric of our lives. 

As a quilter, I always look at one’s life and one’s community as a large quilt.  I believe we are always taking pieces and adding it to the whole.  It’s never finished because we’re never finished.  We can continue editing, adding, and interpreting how we create the story of our lives.

I’ve studied and researched narrative for over fifteen years.  I’m always taken with the way individuals and communities pick and choose the pieces they want to incorporate in their story(ies).  Our stories are unique.  They are as unique as our DNA.  Each time we tell a story there is a bit of a shift.  We put our stories through strainers each time they are told because more targeted stories allow us to convey the deepest of emotions.

When we hear someone way, “If I could see what’s in your head”, let them.  the world is waiting for your tale!

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Greater Divides

We live in an -ist culture.  We are classists.  Make no mistake, it’s not just about the haves and the nave nots.  It’s about the more and the less.  We have come to “other” those with less.  We treat poverty or misfortune as a social faux pas.  I can tell you, not everyone inherited over four hundred million dollars to start their career.

There are great divisions politically, but economically, how do corporations pay less than individuals.  How are we still living with a minimum wage of $7.25 an hour.  These are the practical ways where we are divided.  How about the spiritual divides.

I’m not focused on religion.  When we engage in topics of religion, our political views often come through.  Let’s focus on the spiritual divides.  When did we stop treating people with dignity.  The simplest form of dignity is looking someone in the eyes.  Acknowledging the humanity of another can be uplifting.  It eradicates the invisibility of the challenged.  Like the Buddha, until he left the palace gates, he didn’t know adversity existed.  We don’t live within the palace walls and yet, many choose to look away.

Do you consider yourself generous?  There are many ways to be generous.  The most visible is financial generosity.  However, what about generosity of spirit.  Time is the most precious commodity we have.  Are we using our time wisely to enhance the world.  When we talk about “am I my brother/sister’s keeper” it entails giving of our time.  Teaching someone a skill we have.  Sharing our gifts so others can have experiences without our help they wouldn’t witness.

It becomes about values, not measurables.  The social bell curve is way out of whack.  Where does your spirituality fall on the continuum of the great divide?

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Emergence

What’s it like for us to watch someone become their full selves?  Like watching a caterpillar become a butterfly, I’m awestruck by transformation.  It doesn’t matter how big or small the transformation, change for the good is an amazing accomplishment.

I’ve worked in social services for over thirty years.  I’ve seen individuals and families at their lowest points emerge victorious.  As a therapist I worked with kids in foster care.  When their parents committed to the process and the kids returned home, everyone won!  Change is possible.

We talk about someone blossoming.  Is it the same as flourishing.  Everything is on a continuum.  Improvement doesn’t necessarily eradicate all of one’s challenges.  The twelve-step programs have a saying, “progress not perfection.”  How often do we strive for perfection, only to fall short.

Think about an acorn.  The smallest of seeds have everything it needs to become a mighty oak.  All I ask of all of us is, Be the Oak!

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