Pretty Big Shoes to Fill

Corporate America is full of executive changes.  One CEO leaves and another is installed.  If the CEO was good and is leaving for health reasons or retirement, we often wonder what it would be like to stand in the shadow as the new CEO.  Perhaps people who want to be President think the same thing (at least most normal people who want to be President).

If you’ve ever watched the fashion design show Project Runway, their catch phrase is, “one day you’re in, and the next day you’re out!” We’re constantly being compared to someone or some standard.  If it weren’t true we wouldn’t have so many beauty/fashion magazines on the newsstand. 

We’re constantly judging people.  Believe it or not, there are those I speak to in the spiritual direction arena who believe God is judging them.  There of the mindset the Divine is watching every movement and thought.  They believe is scorekeeping.

I obviously am not of this belief.  For me, this idea is a fallacy.  I’m much more inclined to believe in an ongoing conversation with the Divine (or however you designate a power greater than oneself).  What I have found in my years going to therapy, receiving coaching, and engaging with a spiritual director is I’m most likely to be hardest on myself.

In reality, the big shoes I’m trying to fill are mine! (mind blown) If we have an ideal of what we can be or become and aren’t reaching this goal are we failures?  Perhaps we just haven’t received the training or have the tools to ascend to this level of expertise or expanded consciousness.

My hope is you fill your own shoes to their capacity.  Be the most and best you possible.

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Here’s to the Next 40: Day 30: Was I Not Paying Attention?

Well, deep sigh.  I was working on my sewing machine.  I find peace when I’m at the sewing machine.  The pieces I’m sewing are not art quilts.  These pieces are utilitarian quilts.  The ones we have all around the house.  I live in cold weather and during the winter there is nothing better than a quilt.

I often split the quilting into phases.  I had just attached the second phase of the quilt.  I began quilting and the stitch wasn’t as crisp as I anticipated.  I decided I would clean the bobbin case (the part of the machine housing the thread for the bottom side of the quilt).  I finished my cleaning, put the machine back together and began to sew.   

This is the part of the story where expletives probably erupted from my mouth.  Is it possible to be “too” in the moment.  The needle came down and broke.  On further inspection, I noticed a piece of the bobbin case was bent. 

Fortunately, I have multiple machines so I can still quilt.  I won’t be able to work on this quilt, but the act of sewing can still proceed.  It’s a mix of frustration, disappointment, and feeling like an idiot.  How did I not put the piece back in correctly?  I do this process multiple times a week for years and have never had this happen.  Where was I?  Was I rushing?  

I’m not sure where I went off course, but I have a great sewing machine dealer.  I’ve been working with her for twenty plus years.  It will all be okay.  Isn’t that the happy ending?  All will be okay?  I guess this is something I need to remember more often.  In hard times, somehow things will work out.  It may not be as good as before, but I’ll find peace.  It’s like when I work with individuals with chronic or life-threatening illness.  They may not get well, but there’s always a way to get better.  It may not be physically, but emotionally or spiritually.  There’s always a path.

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Surprise Me

Wouldn’t you like to experience the unexpected?  Too many people complain their life is mundane or routine.  Is it really or is it our interpretation?  Are you waiting for someone to tell you something you don’t know?  What if the only person who can do that for you is you?

I’ve been listening to folks as a psychotherapist, coach, and spiritual director for over thirty years.  I’ve got some skills.  What amazes me is how many keep telling the same stories.  Their experience is like watching Ground Hog Day, repeatedly.  

We’ve become experts at recycling information because of what may confront us.  We’re afraid of an original thought because it leaves us open or vulnerable to attack.  From whom?  From the judgmental public who want to keep us in line.  Having an original thought implies putting an effort into your personal evolution.  It tells the world you have taken information, processed it, and developed your own view on the matter.

This is different than boredom.  Being surprised is not quite an epiphany, but a realization.  Perhaps it’s something lurking in the background finally deciding to take center stage.  

What has surprised you in the past months?  How has it altered your worldview?

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Here’s to the Next 40: Day 29: There’s Always Work to Do

They say everything has a beginning and an end.  Do you believe this to be true?  I often wonder about beginnings and endings, not because they make sense, but it makes me think about the circularity of life.

There is a bible verse saying, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”  Is it saying everything in due time.  If you wait, have some patience, things will naturally occur?

I was doing my meditation, occasionally looking out the window, thinking about my house.  Here too there is always work to do.  Houses like people age and at some point, they need attention.  Unfortunately, when houses need attention, it means we need to spend money, hence the term “money pit.”  I’m having my house painted next week.  This following in 2023 a new roof, hvac system, windows, just to name a few projects.

Then I moved on to my own life.  This week I attended a workshop through Spiritual Director’s International, went to my Mussar class, and an interfaith class through Hebrew College.  What work am I doing?  I’m trying to develop a deeper understanding of my internal world.  I’m searching for how my life fits in the big puzzle of the Universe.  I’m looking for ways to be of greater service.

Yes, there is always work to do.  Sometimes the cost is time.  Other times the cost is losing our defenses and looking at our shadow.  No matter the cost, knowing the journey will never end if we desire it to continue is intriguing.

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Oh…The Responsibility

the role of carrying the baggage for our families, communities, or society.  We’ve taken on the burden to make sure things go according to plan.  We feel a duty to others.

Many of us who are in this position are often thought of as “the fixer.”  The person who in the tough times comes through.  Is this why some people have a savior complex?  Perhaps depending on your faith background, you may believe you’re a modern-day Jesus.

What compels us to get in the mix?  What’s the compulsion to make everyone feel good?  Yes, if you’re leading a spiritual life helping eliminate suffering is a good and noble plan.  However, at what cost does it come?  If you are injured in the process, emotionally or spiritually, then you’re not helping.  You’re becoming a martyr and that doesn’t help anyone.

What would happen if you didn’t step in.  I had this realization a few years ago.  I was President of my quilt guild.  When elections came around for my successor, no one was stepping up to the plate.  My thought, finally, was let the organization fail, shut down, and like a phoenix rising, reinvent itself.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t how things went down.  A few, good intended, fixers stepped in and somehow “saved” the day.

Personally, I believe it was the wrong decision.  The organization has continued, but not without a lot of misguided strategies.  Why are we do afraid to let things die?  What would happen if there were one less quilt guild in the world.  If you didn’t recognize it, my sarcasm and cynicism are shining through.

If we didn’t step in, perhaps others would find their own strength and wisdom.  The result would be growth.

For more art and prompts, I’ve posted over 1,100 collages, follow me on

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Here’s to the Next 40: Day 28: Waving the White Flag

If you read yesterday’s post, you know I got pranked.  By whom?  Well, I can’t say for sure, but if nothing else, I was an easy mark.  I can say I have moments of impatience.  There are moments when I’m in a hurry, even when I’m not sure where I’m going.

As I approached this morning’s meditation, I took a different stance.  I decided to enter my meditation with the sign of surrender.  You might be wondering who or what I’m surrendering to, and at first, I was unsure.  As I got deeper into my meditation, I realized I was surrendering to me.  I was surrendering to how things “should” be and allowed the process to take its natural course.

It’s certainly easier to guide someone along their process than hold the mirror up to the self and see the challenge.  This is the gift of meditation.  The ability, if you’re willing, to allow thoughts, questions, or the deeper self to present themselves in a nonjudgmental, welcoming environment.

I’m open to visitation.  I’m open to questioning.  I’m open to my imperfection.

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Here’s to the Next 40: Day 27: Joke is on Me

Don’t worry, you didn’t miss an entry…I didn’t post an entry yesterday.

Moving on…

Yesterday I prepared the next piece to start quilting.  Part of my prep work for quilting is deciding both the stitch I’ll use, and the color threads.  The color was easy.  I choose a color for the top of the quilt and one to go with the backing.  Next was the stitch.

Sometimes, when I’m trying to decide on a stitch a make myself a little quilt sandwich (a piece of fabric, batting, and backing fabric).  I head to the sewing machine, where I have three-hundred-fifty preprogrammed stitches and begin to play.  I try out various stitches to see how long they are and how decorative they are if that’s what I’m going for.

I picked a stitch, and today I sat at the sewing machine and began my meditation.  I can control the speed of the machine (something I mentioned in an earlier post) so I made a conscious decision about the pace of the stitching.  Of course, as luck would have, the old saying came into play, “when you make plans, God laughs.”

Starting the stitch by pressing the pedal, the machine started and at first I thought there was a problem.  The machine was going, much slower than I anticipated.  I continued on and then had a realization.  The decorative stitch is more labor intensive for the machine and each stitch requires more thread.  The machine, even though I had set the pace, can only go so fast given the parameters of the stich.

I did what any meditator would do, I got frustrated.  Then, I took a deep breath and turned over control of the stitching to the machine.  I was only the facilitator.  The machine was in charge.  It’s a good reminder for what happens in the world.  We don’t always have control of the external things, only our internal things.

For art and prompts, I’ve posted over 1,100 collages, follow me on

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Here’s to the Next 40: Day 25: The Dialogue

Who do you talk to when you have problems, concerns, or questions?  How do you ask your questions?  Do you get a reply and then respond, keeping the conversation going?  These are questions I’m grappling with today.  

In my Mussar class we’ve been discussing “silence.”  I was thinking about the obvious meaning of silence and how it shows up in my life.  The obvious is when I create in my studio/creativity zendo.  While studying the characteristic “silence” I started to wonder about my conversations with God.  What if I asked God a question and didn’t get a reply.  This shook me terribly.  I’ve been thinking about this question over two weeks.

During my session with my spiritual director today, I dove into the question.  As we explored, the rabbi held up a mirror, telling me my conversations with God are in my “creating” times.  God’s responses are the moments of inspiration I get, the intuition I use as a jumping off point for my collages.

The idea of having an ongoing conversation is comforting.  The knowing I can engage in dialogue through creativity furthers my creative practice.  How do you engage in dialogue with God/The Divine?  How do you hear God/The Divine?

For art and prompts, I’ve posted over 1,100 collages, follow me on

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Here’s to the Next 40:Day 24: Busy As a Bee

What does it mean to be busy as a bee?  Bees do what they are created to do.  Humans do what they are created to do.  Why do we compare ourselves to bees?  For that matter, we live in such a frenetic culture, why aren’t we comparing ourselves to hummingbirds?  

I had a number of zoom meetings today and it not only took up physical time, it unlocked a lot of emotional and spiritual material.  I’m taking a Mussar class.  In Judaism, it’s a way to look at one’s personal characteristics.  We might be able to equate it to the twelve-step programs when we discuss character flaws.  It’s about character building.  We’ve spent three weeks discussing “silence”.  It brought up lots of thoughts, ideas, and questions.

My last class of the day was a class on “Jewish and Christian dialogue, face to face, and side to side.”  Each month we had the Rabbi teaching the class dialogue with a Christian colleague about various issues, in both cases using religious text as the basis for comparison.  

At the end of the day, I was both exhausted and exhilarated.  I love being challenged.  I love asking the hard questions and being asked the hard questions.  I don’t believe we learn if others let us off the hook.

So, is being busy enough?  Does it make you look like you’re accomplishing stuff?  What if your actions were more productive, engaging, and fulfilling?

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The Vulnerable

What makes us vulnerable?  Is it out lot in life?  Our experiences?  Our wants and desires?  This is the time of year when there are number of reality competitions.  We’re in the beginning phases of “so you think you can dance.”  The dancers walk in, stand before the judges, and give basic information.  Then the music starts, and the back story begins.  Undoubtedly, there is some hardship or trauma these individuals have lived through, and they have, overwhelmingly, they have made (as Robin Roberts says) their mess their message.

This competition provides these young people (must be under 30 to compete) a vehicle for expressing their vulnerability.  This is quite apparent when they receive feedback, especially when they fail to move on to the next round.  

How do we feel when we’re feeling vulnerable?  For many, it feels like everyone is staring with judgmental eyes.  Perhaps we hear murmurs of our unworthiness.  I think of one of my spiritual heroes, Howard Thurman. He speaks about being “othered”.  When we’re othered we’re prey to the forces looking to keep us down.  When “othered” we’re an easy mark for systematic exclusion.

Do we have the emotional or spiritual vocabulary to protect our sensitivity?  Do we have a spiritual/religious responsibility to help those who are struggling make it through the day?  How do we know when people need comfort, encouragement, or solace?  

We have to become more sensitive to the vibrations others are putting out, so we become better at responding.  Who’s to say one day you won’t need support.

For more art and prompts, I’ve posted over 1,100 collages, follow me on 

Instagram/Threads: @drfiber